Room 212(Trigger Warning)

I checked into a dump. I was scared, but somehow knew the shoot would turn out how I wanted. Well, to be honest, I wasn’t exactly sure “what” I wanted, aside from photos that conveyed a message. I approached many aspects of this shoot far different than any others I’ve previously done. The only solid plan I had in mind was to hire a model to shoot, hoping that the dark, wordless thoughts and emotions in my brain would somehow come out through my camera and onto the sensor. A plan as solid as trying to write a novel by feeding your cat alphabet soup.

Or, something I’ve actually done with hilariously realistic results: Channel surfing with your tv on mute, while you’re sifting through songs on your computer. When you change the channel, you have to find a song within ten seconds. Let the song play through before you change the channel. Try “The Weight” by The Band, while you’re watching the fishing channel. Or “You Make My Dreams Come True” by Hall & Oates over golf tournaments. Apologies for the tangent, but doing this helped me overcome paranoia. It really did, because how can two unrelated pieces of information fit together so well? Come up with your own combinations of mute and music, and that’s when you’ll really start to see that everything is connected and there’s nothing to worry about. Sounds crazy, but when we are connected, we’re happy because we’re laughing.

Or we’re happy because amidst frustration and unfamiliarity, we tried something different and it worked, despite not knowing everything…

The model is Aylin Firat

Sometimes your whole world can get turned upside down, and there’s all this chaos you put in front of yourself, and everything’s broken and you’re in so much pain so that’s how you start seeing yourself…



All rationale out the window, you keep coming back to this familiar pain, knowing deep down that this isn’t what you want…



You’re starting to wonder how much more you can take…



Then you get a glimpse of reality and it hurts…



A moment of clarity. But it still hurts…




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I did this shoot because I wanted to show people that we’re all human, no matter where we’ve been. And for the record, neither of us were loaded. I’m a recovering addict trying to get the word out that “those people” you call “losers” and “junkies” are living with demons just like you and I. Now I sound like I’m segregating by using words like “those”, “us” and “them”. This is not my intention, but I phrased it as such so as not to lose my train of thought.

I’ll end it with this: I struggle with mental illness and it’s an every day battle. I have good days, and bad. Ups and downs. And I’m only going to grow.

Feel free to drop a comment, like, follow, share, and as always, you can ask me questions and if I know the answer, I’ll answer it. If not, I’ll do my best to find the answer.



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